I got nothing.

I kind of forgot I had a blog. 

We are are going to the local tree farm and tagging our tree today. Then next weekend we will come back and cut it down and bring it home. That's what do out here in the northeast. 

I can't believe we have not had any snow. I love, love, love snow. Although, I am not fully looking forward to ski season since I am not going to fit into my new ski jacket that I bought last March on sale because apparently 8 months is just not long enough for me to lose 10 freaking pounds. Also, I feel so fat and out of shape that I actually can not imagine myself put on all my winter shit and clunky ski boots and actually trying to maneuver my body down a mountain while also trying to keep up with my 2 boys who think they know how to ski, but really don't...if you can not stop yourself when going 50 miles an hour down a mountain, you don't know how to ski...Honestly, I don't know why I thought skiing as a family would be a good idea. Yup, let's drive 2 hours and put on freaking snow suits and big ass boots and carry around tons of shit that is inconveniently shaped (skis=very long) and drag children who complain about being tired after one run down the mountain and then spend $20 on candy at the overpriced candy store in the little village and then lug all the shit again back to car to drive 2 hours home. All the while, Tom bitterly mumbling about how we should never have bought the ski passes and that we all (me and the boys) basically suck (he does not actually say that, but I know what he's thinking.) 

So yeah, anyway, I love snow.

It's 1:00 AM

I am still up. I will certainly be tired in the morning. 

I'm hungry now, too, since I am up so late and I ate a salad and freaking squash for dinner. 

I do have to say it is so peaceful in the house at this time. My 3 boys are all sound asleep. There's no sound at all. Except for my typing, which is beginning to sound pretty annoying. 

I am off to bed finally. I will not check anything one more time;)

Out Shopping...

Well, online Christmas shopping actually. That's where I have been all night. 

God, I love being able to shop online. 

I did pretty well on the whole Just One Week thing with the Weight Watchers. I started the day fine, but it could have taken a turn for the worst when I opened the delicious bin of mini crispy chocolate chip cookies from Trader Joe's (I was prepping kids' lunches for the next day.) I did eat 2 servings of the cookies--2 separate occasions, not all at once like usual. BUT my dinner was a big salad with some boars head ham and chicken (2 ounces total) and a huge bowl of warm butternut squash (as is...just a sprinkle of salt.) It was totally satisfying and made up for the cookies. 

I am off to eat a skinny cow and try to get into bed before midnight. It has been so damn hard to get up in the morning lately. 

Just trying to figure out the whole adding photos to blog

There is no point to this photo. I was just checking out how you post photos.  I am still working on trying to put a photo or something next to my name for commenting.

This photo is of me and Murphy on the gondola at Stratton Mountain in Vermont. We were picking up our ski passes for this winter and thought it would be nice to take the gondola up the mountain and walk down. 

Nice, my ass. It was not a hiking trail, it was a freaking ski trail. It was pretty freaking steep and I decided not to wear my merrels, but wore a pair of Keen sandals like a jackass. I ended up with 2 huge fluid-filled blisters on my feet and actually went barefoot part of the way down. Tom was dying, too. Of course, my kids were like whatever and running down the MOUNTAIN...not cute, gently rolling hill, but mountain. 

When we got to the bottom, we walked over to the little village and fueled up on penny candy.

Murphy will never get allowance again

So I decided that I would take 25 cents away from Murphy's $3 a week allowance each time he uses a "bad" word...

His favorite bad words to use are ass and damn.  He lovingly tells me that he learned those words from either Tom or me when I reprimand him for using them. I think I used it once in front of him (well, it was in direct reference to him...hey, it was a tough moment near dinner time...he was being an ass and he and I actually both started laughing our asses off after I said it) and now he has taken complete ownership of the word.  Thankfully, he knows not to use those words at school. He saves it all for me;) Well, he does not use the word at me...he usually uses it in reference to his older brother when they are fighting over something like 'he's sitting too close to me on the couch' or some other horrible thing.

So as of this morning, I had put 5 checks on a chalkboard with his name above them to represent each quarter that will be taken away. And this was after making up the rule that every time Dad (Tom) or I use a swear word that we erase one of Murphy's checks. I was trying to help the kid out.

Murphy is extremely smart, absolutely hilarious and has a super cute speaking voice. And he likes to use the word ass at 7 years old. What are ya gonna do?

Putting it out there

Okay, what is the deal with me? I put on 40 pounds over the last few years and though I hate being this overweight, I do not commit to losing the weight. I want to lose the weight, but not enough to stay away from the cookies or whatever else is hanging around the house. Why am I bringing this stuff in the house anyway? Why do I feel the need to eat all of the sweets that I can't or won't control myself around? 

Way back in 2003, I lost 45 pounds. I had a 3 year old and a 1 1/2 year old at the time. I was so committed to losing the weight and getting back to me. The 45 pounds were from 2 pregnancies back to back, those extra 10 pounds I needed to lose prior to getting pregnant and then all of the Ben & Jerry's I ate that first year with 2 babies...breastfeeding did not melt the pounds away as a friend told me it would. Then again, I was depressed and stressed that first year with the two kids. We got ready to move across the state (again...the first time being when my first child was born), unbeknownst to me at the time, my oldest had a severe speech disorder so I was stressed about his development, I was totally sleep deprived and all the regular stuff that goes on in life with little ones. I ate my emotions. 

Anyway back to the losing weight in 2003. I felt so good about myself. I was in control of myself and my life...just this small portion of my life, but still. It's hard to be in complete control of everything when you have small children. I felt like a better mother and things were not easy with my children. The worry and stress I had about Jack, my oldest, and his speech disorder was so hard on me. And Murphy, well, that child brings out the very best and the absolute worst in me. I would have needed to be blogging back then to put it all into words. No time for that right now...plus, I am supposed to be talking about my weight. 

I kept the weight off for a couple of years before I just let myself go. It was a stressful time. We thought we were relocating across the country (I am in the northeast and we were going to be moving to Seattle...about as far from us as you can go.) My husband had talked me into getting a freaking puppy. I could go on and on, but really, I am so off point here. I ate whatever I wanted and lots of it. Lots of sugar. I gradually gained a few (well, 10 pounds) in a month's time. I thought, no problem, I can get that off. But you know, I never committed to losing the weight and gradually I gained more weight...until it reached 40 pounds. I can hardly believe it.

I know what to do to lose weight. Eat less, move more. I know that I need to change habits. I just don't do it. Well, I do it for a short time, but never long enough to get momentum on the weight loss. I also am hypothyroid so my metabolism is sluggish. But really that is no excuse. I was exercising 4 to 5 days a week for an hour. I was eating well most of the time. But I was not really losing any weight. It was and is so frustrating. I know in order for me to lose weight, I can only eat about 1200-1350 calories a day and need to exercise most days. I have talked to my doctor about this. I just have not committed to it. I want to commit to this plan, I just don't do it. 

I actually cried a little today when I watched the Biggest Loser and Colleen was talking about how her life has changed, etc. I want to change my life...the way I feel about myself. I know I don't do certain things because of my weight. I'm just so disappointed in myself. 

All gone

There are no more Newman-O's. 

And they did not go in the trash. 

You can find my blog...

in the comments sections of other people's blogs. 

Cuz that is apparently how I roll.

Oh shit, I forgot about the groceries sitting on the kitchen floor...

so tired

I am too tired to write anything and tomorrow I am at my kids' school all day volunteering. 

Now that is uninteresting, Mrs F! 

Who knew...I'd start a blog and suddenly have nothing to say. Oh, it's in there. I just have not had the right amount of time to write.

Trader Joe's Chocolate Croissants

I love you so...

That Darn Cat

My cat, Ruby, stole one of the Trader Joe's Chocolate Croissants I had put out to rise overnight. That bitch.

Happy Birthday to Me

The end of a decade. My 30's are done. Weird. 

The last 10 years went by so quickly. It was the decade of having babies, breastfeeding, running after toddlers, preschool, waving goodbye to my kindergarteners and the whole being a mom of little kids. All I wanted was a break during this time. I actually enjoyed being sick with a stomach bug once because it meant I could lie in bed guilt free and that I did not have to be responsible for anything or anybody. 

Now I have a 7 year old and an almost 9 year old. They have a whole life outside of me. I don't know what they are doing at all times like when they were younger...I only know what they tell me and what I scavenge from other moms who have kids in their class. Usually girls. It's been my experience that the little girls tell their moms more about everything going on in the classroom than the boys do. Thankfully, I have lots of mom-friends that have girls.

Forty seemed so old when I was a kid. Now I am 40. I don't feel old. Sometimes I don't feel old enough to have kids. 

Another dream deferred

I was supposed to lose 20 pounds before ski season started because I bought a new ski jacket last spring that was way too tight. 

Shopping for Momma's gift

Tom took the boys out shopping for my birthday present. What a riot. I can't wait to see what they choose. Murphy was trying to make me guess what he wanted to buy me. He said it started with an "s-t-and u"...hmmmm....looks like he is going to pick out a stuffed animal for me. He could just go shopping for one in his huge bin of unused stuffed animals. I mean, really.

Jack was too thrilled to think that he was going to get to go into Toysrus. Murphy was like "dude, we are not going to Toysrus, we are going to a women's store." Jack's like "yeah, but if we are really good, we can go to Toysrus after." At least he has a goal.

I told them to get a me a cake at Trader Joe's. There are so many delicious sounding sweets in the freezer section and I never ever will buy them. I just pick the boxes up and look at the fat and calorie content. I say fuck it this time. It's for my birthday. They better pick out something good though. Oh shit, I should have them call me when they get there to consult. 

Just a bitchin' rant

It was totally pouring rain during the field trip--all outside field trip--today. Then I had to drive 2 1/2 hours back home in the rain, in the dark, on 3 different highways during rush hour. I am exhausted and really cranky and annoyed tonight. There's been all sorts of weird shit going on in Murphy's class (totally unrelated to Murphy) and I am a room parent and seem to be a mediator for it all. Thankfully one of the nutbag moms just took her son out of the class and is sending him back to his old school (where she had pulled him because she didn't like the teacher at that school. Red flag.)...long story short, she was driving several towns over to have her kid in our school...she used her in-laws' address to do this, then she complained incessantly about the "quality of the work coming home." Um, this is freaking 1st grade. Plus, she was illegally going to the school. And to top it all off, she was a little bit crazy. Possibly a lot crazy. This mom sent me an email Tuesday night saying that her son will no longer be going to our school anymore. Well, I don't know if I was more happy about that or about Obama being our next president. Seriously.  I was fucking elated.  

Swear to God, I have been attracting all the crazy people lately. There's been other stuff going on, too, but now I am paranoid that this other whack job mom will somehow find this blog and know I think that she is nuts, too. I have decided it is easier to give nutty moms the warm brush, rather than be completely honest about how I feel about them since our kids go to the same school. And really I don't want to work it out with this mom. She definitely has issues, but is one of those people who thinks that everyone else around her is doing her wrong. Oh my God, that sounds like me right now. Honestly, I am the one sane, normal person right now. That doesn't happen often, but it is the case this time. Even my husband thinks so this time and he'd be the first to call me out.

Back to complaints...Tom and I are supposed to go away for one night this weekend to Vermont for my upcoming 40th birthday. My parents are coming to watch the kids. The drag is that I have so much preparation for them to come and do this for us, that it just doesn't feel worth it. I don't know if I just think my parents are incapable of taking care of themselves or what (yet, I feel secure with them watching my children.Hmm...) I am making lunch and dinner for them for Saturday. Not for my kids, but for my parents. My kids won't eat what I am making and I know they will happily eat whatever else is there. Plus it is one day. They can feed them a bowl of candy for dinner and I'd be fine. 

In addition, it is going to rain all day on Saturday. Normally, I don't mind rain. I kind of like a rainy day, but after spending 8 fucking hours outside in it with a bunch of 8 year olds and no coffee, it just pisses me off to think it is going to rain on our one day away. I wanted to be outside, maybe hike a mountain, drink a latte on a park bench or just not get wet. I just feel cranky and want to feel sorry for myself over something stupid. I know how lucky I am. I never forget it. It's the not so fully recovered Catholic in me. I feel guilty for even writing that.

I am so tired. Better go climb into the bottom bunk in my son's room. Hey, at least he's out of MY bed;)

This Blog is on hold until next week...

It is totally lame right now. I just have no time until after this weekend to jazz this blog up. I am going on a field trip tomorrow all day (9-5:30) with Jack's class to Plimouth Plantation. Then I have my parents coming for the weekend. I am so excited I finally put a blog up, but now I feel like a lame ass because I have left it in a state of nothingness. I mean, c'mon, I call the blog The Dirty Pig Chronicles, but put no explanation as to why. It has to do with my youngest son, Murphy...of course. And another proud parenting moment.

Obama!!!!!!!

I am so happy right now.  So freaking happy.

And so it begins...

I figure I blogged enough on other blogger's comment pages so it was time to set up my blog. 

I have no direction in this blog...just whatever is going on. More to come soon! But now I need to make lunch for my kids who are home to today because of the election. We're packing our bags ready to move if our candidate does not win today. Just kidding. I'll try to stay away from politics, but I live in Kennedy country and am an open-minded liberal. 

Alright, my kids really want to eat.