I will make a post soon with a bit of vacation rambling and then once I have the time to figure out how to jazz up this site, I will do that, too. I already have a name for it. Maybe I will put up a different blog and leave this for the occasional rant. I have to take the time to figure out how to link to others as well.
Anyway, I think I will post the most unflattering vacation photo that I can find. That's not too difficult since I have gained so much poundage. I might also put another picture from vacation in which I am not so hideously fat looking so you know that I don't always look so unattractive. I got me some of Heather's thing going on(this is where I would link to Heather's post about this, but I don't know how...plus is it proper to link to other people's blogs or maybe one should only link to one's own posts??)...the thing in which I don't think of myself as fat until I see myself in a photo. I just look physically uncomfortable in some of these photos. I used to look at other women who were heavy around their middle and really feel badly for them because they looked uncomfortable. Now I am that woman.
I saw a woman on one of our hikes up Mt. Mansfield who had to be in her mid-eighties. She was so vibrant, full of life. I want to be that.
Jack threw up tonight. Oh please let it just have been a fluke thing.
We were supposed to go to Vermont over 4th of July, but Murphy was really sick. Then a couple of weeks ago we were supposed to go to the Cape and Tom got really sick (which is unusual for him...he had a high fever for a week. Very weird.)
We have been hermits all summer. Murphy is afraid to go to the pool since the last time he went he had a fever (I didn't realize it) and felt freezing. So now he equates the pool to extreme cold. Even when it is 88 degrees out. He is our 'outdoor hiking guy' and he won't go outside anymore. Plus he wears his pajamas all day long and I let him. I just don't care anymore. He can wear whatever he wants when we go out. It used to be a bumblebee costume. Now it is an oversized Black Dog t-shirt. Whatevs.
We are nearly all packed and ready to go tomorrow morning to Vermont for 10 whole days. Murphy says he doesn't want to go because he thinks he is going to get sick in the car. And Jack threw up tonight.
On a different note, I am going to jazz up my blog later this month. I think I may go the whole 'get fit' route since my weight seems to take up so much space in my life and mind. Stay tuned.
I ate 17, yes that's right, 17 Whole Foods Vanilla sandwich cookies.
I knew when I bought them "for the kids" that it would be a test for me. I have a real thing for these particular cookies. I should have put them back on the shelf, but I didn't. I just can't have these in the house.
Can anyone else top this gross stuffing of cookies? Tell me...make me feel better.
Sign up your 7 year old for the most awesome nature/farm camp. The one he wanted to go to so much that he would plead to me to tell him really cool adventure stories about the camp for 2 months prior to the first day of camp.
When he told me he changed his mind.
Don't tell me I should force him to go. Just trust me on this one.
Did any of you read any Judy Blume books growing up? I did and loved them. I don't think I really understood what was going on with the book "Are You There, God? It's me, Margaret." I vaguely remember someone telling me later on in life that it had to do with masturbation (eek...sorry to say such a thing on this wholesome blog), but I think I was probably in 5th or 6th grade when I read the book so I never got the whole "touching her special place" or whatever it was. I am sure I was perplexed and wondered how anyone could get any joy out of touching their hand or ear or whatever the freak the "special place." Of course, I could be just fabricating all of this unknowingly because I don't even remember that book at all. I just have a special spot for the title.
After a completely healthy autumn, sickness has reached my household. My boys have been sick since Sunday with fevers, a nasty cold and a barking cough. I also have a cold in my chest and feel crappy. And on top of that, wtf, I injured my shoulder/arm...the one I type with thank you very much. Sleeping has been sketchy because I sleep on my side and neither side works. I have no idea how I hurt myself because...lack of movement perhaps? Seriously. I have not exercised in any fashion in months.
I secretly love it when my kids are sick. Well, it's not a secret around here. I tell them how nice it is that they are too sick to fight with one another and yell. I get to cozy with them on the couch. I keep them filled up on fluids. I just feel so necessary. Jack is back at school today...I am picking him up at noon, though, because walking pneumonia is going around at the school. I want him to take it slow. I like it when my kids are mellow and sick...not scary, worrisome sick. These sick days remind me of when they were little guys...around every day with their momma. I know they are getting better when they become crabby and annoyed sick people. I don't like that much. Off to school you go...
Murphy finally lost his first tooth last night! I say "finally" because he is nearly 7 1/2 years old. Both of my kids took forever to get their teeth. Jack got his first tooth on the bottom when he was 9 months old. Murphy was 14 months months old when the first one appeared. Usually when one pops out, more teeth follow. Not at our house. Jack got his first tooth and then 6 months later got his second tooth. Murphy had so few teeth that I had the Dentist x-ray him to make sure he had any teeth. My take on this is that let the kids have their baby teeth as long as possible. They are starter teeth...they can be beaten up a bit and chipped and it won't matter. Yes, both of my boys chipped their teeth in the rough and tumble days of toddlerhood. So I had to borrow money out of Murphy's wallet to put it in his little Tooth Fairy box. Yes, he paid for his own Tooth Fairy treat. I never have cash on me and this tooth loss took me by total surprise. I had no idea the tooth was that loose. I give my kids $5 for the first tooth and a dollar thereafter. Considering they lose their teeth so slowly, it really doesn't put us out financially. Jack is nine and has lost only 7 teeth I think. I'll have to get some cash to slip back into Murph's wallet...I was afraid he would run to his wallet and put the money in there and realize that he was short $5 bucks. I had a story all set up for that. I have been known to 'borrow' a buck or two before.
On another note, my husband came out okay during the BIG LAYOFFS that were taking place at his workplace. I am so heartbroken for the people who were let go. I wish I could contact them all and see what I could do to help them. I wish I could give them all jobs. That actually paid money. Any job I could give out right now would be things like folding my laundry and cleaning the kitty litter. Maybe I could pay them a buck or two out my kids' wallets.
In the spirit of Mrs. Furious, I decided I would add up all of money that I spent this past week on groceries, Target, pet stuff. This was a big week of stocking up on paper towels, cat food, etc. Plus, I did buy a cubicle shelving unit for Jack's room (that was $40 for the cube thing and $11 for 2 cloth "drawers"...not sure if I am keeping it.) I spent $20 on a video game for the boys and a copy of Turbotax to do our taxes for $30. The grand total for all of this was $460.19. That really freaked me out, but did not surprise me. This basically included 2 weeks of food shopping because I did the whole Trader Joe's and the supermarket two times. Plus, holy cow, all of those short hops in the supermarket for just a couple of things add up. Ridiculous.
Now, I know I sound a bit blase about the amount. I am not. We can not afford to do this. It was all cash, but we have no savings. It is not hard to imagine why that is. Yes, we have high expenses since we live in a very expensive part of the country. We both have high car payments and we can not get rid of the cars because we live in a rural suburb of Boston. It can take me 20 minutes to drive to a friend's house with no other cars on the road, no traffic lights, nada and they live in the same town. We do not eat out...like ever. We used to get one large pizza every Friday night. Now we make homemade...it does not actually cost less though because we do have to buy the ingredients to make it. It is about $10 a week for that.
I am about to write out some bills and cubby some upcoming expenses. I definitely need to become more aware of what I am spending our money on. There were definitely many extra things bought this week that are not usually. I can think of a solid $150 of that amount being extras. I have switched to almost all organic or local products. That is actually a lot more money for the dairy products--especially the milk. I do local for the cheese and butter, not organic. What I need to start doing first is to reduce the amount of times I go to the store each week. This past week was unusual. Trust me, I don't live near any stores so not going to Target and Trader Joe's a lot is not difficult. It is a solid 30 minute drive on back roads in the country...cows on the side and all. I do tend to feel like I need to "stock up" when I go to the stores though because it is not as convenient as I would like. I need to allow myself to run out of things instead. It is not necessary to have 4 boxes of Cheddar Bunnies stored away at all times. Rationally, I know this.
I just received a letter in the mail to join some special secret club in which I will receive a book that shares all of their (they are secret remember so they would not tell me who they are!) Greatest Kept Secrets. The letter went on to say how special I was and that "they" had a profile on me and that all of my desires in life will come true if I respond within 3 days.
I got that letter along with a CD "that I ordered" telling me how I can get grants from the government.
As you know, I changed my blog address slightly because one could google my name and get to my blog and I just did not want that. I did not want to post anything until I took the time to clear that up. That's why I pretty much disappeared.
Why was I so paranoid about people finding me through google? Well, here is the deal...
A few weeks ago, back on Decemeber 26th, someone signed me up for 9 bizarre products or I don't even know what to call them. It is a whole scam thing. There are these weird things in which you can sign up for a "free thing" (which I DID NOT do) like some weird acai berry supplements or getting rich with g**gle or getting govt. grants...all sorts of weird stuff. They sign you up, charge you a small amount for shipping then charge your credit card every month for like $89 dollars. Someone actually used my credit card (well, my debit card, but there is good news to this) and signed me up for these things. I have more than one bank account. One has money in it (well Tom's check gets put in there so money is in there until the bills are paid) and one account has about $100 in it. I never use that account so when I was checking my balances on my bank's website and saw that $60 or so was taken out of the account, I was concerned. I called the bank, they put a block on the account and gave me the names of some of the charges. I also started to receive packages in the mail from these companies (because according to them if I receive it then I can't dispute it and apparently there is some "contract" for the monthly charges. I know, it does not seem to make sense. Especially since I did NOT even sign up for any of this.) It was kind of embarrassing. I know my mailman. This is a small town. He must have thought I was like some kind of dumb-ass buying all of these weird magical weight loss pills or "get rich quick" programs.
I also started to get a million calls from these "companies". Now I have caller ID so I usually do not answer these type of calls, but I had to in order to cancel these things. Then I would find out that these companies automatically signed me up for other services. Are you following? It was fucking bizarre.
The creepy thing is that they had all of my information, a phony email AND my debit card number. How did they have this? I used this card once at Target in November and once in September at a website where I bought some Kiss My Face products, but they mainly sell vitamin type stuff. I think that my info was sold or captured through this place. Really, it doesn't matter. It happened and I am thankful that I have been able to start to clean up this all before it got worse. If it was my regular debit card, I would have been screwed. I don't carry cash anywhere. I use that thing for everything.
So my bank issued me a new card, sent me paperwork to fill out an affadavit regarding these scam companies and I had to send back all of the weird-ass stuff I received with delivery confirmation (which cost me $40.) The problem is that I actually received these products. I don't care about the money I am out. It is the fact that someone did this and these "contracts" that I may be "bound" to. I know...you are thinking "But you did not sign any contracts!"
I just did not want my name out there with the blog. I started thinking of certain people in town getting a hold of the blog and I did not want that. I actually thought at one point that maybe someone I know did this to me. Not likely, but still...I was a bit paranoid. Not that I say anything that would offend anyone, but I just felt violated with the whole product-scam thing.
Hey, there are people in my town I have googled and I would have totally bookmarked their blog if one showed up. I am nosy like that. So why wouldn't someone do that to me?
I just wanted to get this down so it may not make a whole lot of sense. I just want to be done with it all. It was annoying, but really could have been a whole lot worse.
Just watched Barack Obama take the oath of office.
Tears streaming down my cheek.
Even though I have my period, ate a forbidden brownie, got no sleep last night, feel pretty bloated, I have never felt so hopeful. A dark cloud was lifted today.
Hey, if Obama can do it (become President, quit smoking, be so awesome) then perhaps I can buck up and lose these 40 pounds.
PS I got the third graders to be able to watch the Inauguration today at school. I also pushed it through for the first graders who are going to watch it taped at 2pm today. It was either that or I was pulling the kids out of school today for this most important historic moment.
I do not like that you can google my name and get this blog because of a snafu with my full name being in the comments. It is because of some weird sign-in name that includes my husbands first name @ my name.
What do I do about it? Do start up a new blog? Any ideas? I am just trying to figure out how to avoid having my blog show up in people's google searches (ESPECIALLY if they are looking for me specifically.)
Robin said that Monday, January 5th is the new January 1st and I am right with her on that.
I feel very motivated. Enough is enough. I have 10 weight watcher coupons that I got last year through my insurance. I am going to use them. Now. I will not give them anymore money, but I will go to 10 meetings to jumpstart myself. If I feel incredibly inspired from the meetings and start losing at a good, consistent clip, then and only then I will get some more of the weight watchers coupons.
I am going to a meeting tomorrow at 11am. That will be something new for me as in the past I went to either a meeting at 6pm or Sunday morning. I wonder what kind of crew I will get there. All the fat moms I bet. Oh, and all the old grannies, too. I go to a meeting place in which I do not fit the regular demographic. I am usually the only one without a Popeye tattoo on my arm. Or a faded Disney character on my ankle. Yup, saw that one on a woman about my mom's age. Maybe I will get inspired and get a Pride tattoo like the boys did on Biggest Loser. Remember those guys?
I feel very motivated and excited to finally get myself back to my old weight and to get healthy and strong again. I have a ski pass to Stratton this winter--which does not come cheaply--and I have no desire to squeeze my fat butt and belly in my gear to attempt to get down a mountain. I basically blimped out of my ski pants when I went sledding with the boys last week. Seriously, I had to unbutton AND unzip my ski pants. Thankfully my jacket went over the pants enough. I felt like a snow blimp...or like the little brother in A Christmas Story--the little one who was in one of those old fashioned snow suits and could not get up off the ground after he fell or was pushed because he was so puffy and stiff. That was me....puffy and stiff. Ewww....that sounds kind of gross actually.
I'm 5 feet tall and have some baggage to lose...both physically and mentally. I am in a happy marriage and have 2 extremely adorable, spirited and often frustrating boys, one of which has a potty mouth. My husband has been calling me 'shorty' since 1991. Well, that and 'kitten', but putting that in a blog title could lead to some awkward situations. I'm just sayin'.